☆ハナ☆

☆ハナです。☆

... I'm confused...
I know I shouldn't be this troubled about the announcement of AnCafe taking a break, they said it's only temporary...
But I have a bad feeling. Let's hope it's only a feeling.
I'm so... I want to cry, but I want to jump, and I want to sleep, and... I'm just completely messed up with my feelings and desires now.
I want them to do what they feel well doing, what they like, and what they want.
But if AnCafe ends... I'll be completely lost.
But even so, I will keep to heart what Teruki-san taught me.
Please, let your beautiful words be true, Teruki-san! You will always be my star, no matter what happens.

Aside from that... I'm on youtube now, watching some aline nine. PVs. I think I'll start listening to them.
Also, now Nagisa and Haruhi are going to translate Nao and Shou's blogs, from Mobage Town, at mbga.

On other note, I'm sick and full of things to do.
Please wish me luck.
I'll do my best and try not missing guitar and vocal classes.
I can't... not now, no matter what happens. I will do my best.
I will somehow prove that I can do it, and I will go on, I know.
I can't tell you what I'm aiming for yet, but it's something big.

And I want to say:
Thank you.
To all those who helped me,
to my friends,
to AnCafe and the GazettE, even if they don't know I exist,
to Teruki-san for his beautiful words and for helping me overcome the worst times in my life,
to all of you.

☆おやすみ。☆

☆ハナです。☆

Sorry for not posting in a long time. I was very busy.
I found Miku-san's blog today, thanks to peace_b84. My japanese isn't very good, so I didn't risk looking at the entries yet. One day I will. But I saw the photos, and I loved them. It's fun to see Miku-san taking a picture of himself in the mirror, because it makes me feel closer to him. I do that, too. It gives me more courage, knowing that someone like him is a normal person, too.

I know we fans want to know more about the band members, but it's so good that we don't know them as much as american idols or of other coutries... I mean, look at the scene. A person if famous, wonderful, full of fans, and then something happens, like seeing them doing this, or a video of that leaked out. Come on, they're human! So what if a famous person filmed themselves while having sex? Lots of 'normal', not famous people, do that and no one cares. But no, they have to leak the video or info all around and make that ruin the artist's reputation.

Also, have you ever pictured not being able to have any privacy? It must be terrible. Each step you give is out on TV or the internet, even if it's against your will. At least the japanese respect that, because they know ARTISTS ARE ALSO HUMANS!

Of course, some basic informations are fine, I'm not saying it's bad to put out anything... just that if the person doesn't want it to appear, then it's bad to show it. Not details, but important things. People just... ugh. I hope one day privacy can be a word that is not only in the dictionary, and is actually KNOWN and USED.

Ah, sorry~ I got a bit carried away with my rant here, I was actually meaning to talk about fun things. But of course, all I said above is true. I know there are people who respect privacy, but I'm just happy that japanese media is not like the american/brazilian/others.

So, yesterday (almost) my whole family was around. Just some of my cousins couldn't come, because they have school and stuff... and Arina because she's in the USA now.^^

But we had a big party, and it was aroun 2 a.m. when it ended. We had meat and chicken for dinner, and cake and chocolate puddin, then we started dancing and took some photos, played music, sang, did lots of things. When it was aroun 1:56 a.m. (I looked at the clock) we were playing UNO, and everyone was sleepy~ but I was jumping with energy, and they looked at me with "WTF? How can you be like that at this time?!?" faces. It was so funny~

Ah, but when I lay down onn my bed I realized my whole body was heavy and I felt tired, so I gethered the last energy I had to get up and have a relaxing bath, then I went back to my room and collapsed on the bed.

And then today I decided to write here, even knowing no one reads this. XDD
I hope one day someone will.~

Beside that, I talked to Ozy, and we were thinking of releasing a CD together next year. For now it's just a project, but I hope it goes well. Ah... I'm composing some stuff, and I was thinking some things... It's troublesome. I have exams at school, and I have translations to do once those are over, but it's fun...

As soon as Carol sends me the photos we took yesterday, I'll post them here.

And my grandmother said she'll pay for me to go to SP, and dad will pay the show, so there's now a 95% about me going to MYV's live~ XD I want to go!!!! Wish me luck!

On a last note, the band broke up and I'm solo. But Koinu-kun has a new band project, and while I'm here, he can always count on me to be by his side.

☆おやすみ。☆

Yeah, 8 days since I last posted here...

I've been to vocal training and guitar yesterday, and Silmere-sensei passed me 3 more musics for the guitar. Oh, and one thing for vocal training... it's italian. Some day I'll post it here~

Oh, and today I bought more nailpolish. I bought black, light pink, medium pink and purple. I painted them now, and I made an alternation of pink and black. If I had a camera I'd post a photo... guess that'll have to wait.

Ah... I'm tired~

Well... the band kind of broke up, and now I don't understand anything that's going on... Ah, anyway, I'm thinking too much. I was, and still am, talking to Ozy. We're planning on releasing an album together... next year. XD

Another entry where I write pointless things that you could care less about... *sigh*

Well, bye

ps: I'm listening to Chizuru again...

I'm thinking of opening a recipe blog.^^
If I do, I'll post the link here~

And I'm going to make a C-Box to put here...

Ah! I've been to vocal training and guitar lessons yesterday!

Bye~

So... yeah... I was watching PotC all over again, and then I went to YouTube and watched the remix to 'Why is the rum gone?' xD

Also, I've been so busy and with so many problems, so I'm just coming back into a writing/translating stage now. I still didn't finish the First Art of JclM, it's been stopped since my last post about it... I'll do it today or tomorrow...

And... neither Haruhi nor Nagisa have updated since July 31th...

Kyahh!!! I star my guitar/vocal lessons on... wait a second *Monday, Tuesday... Wednesday...* Ok, seeing as I can't remember the rest of the days, it's the day after Wednesday. And yes, I'm terrible with the days of the week in english... even spanish for that is easy. Well, back to the point... YAY!!!!!!! *is happy*

Ano... I'm also having some problems in the band... everything is leading to split-up... I hope the others stay together, but I'm not even sure of what's happening. Like, LeH needs to choose between the band and... I don't remember what, and for that she has to or change the band, or leave it. The others don't want to change, and if the band changes they leave, if it doesn't, she leaves... that's all I understood...

Apart from that, I'm sleepy (no news there...). Oh, did I mention that there's no school on monday? ^^

Also, I can feel my body getting weaker... you see, I'm used to consumig lots of sugar, and whenever I taste my blood (a cut on the lip, bite my tongue, stuff like that) I feel a sweet taste. I made blood tests, and the doctor said that it's all fine with me... I know I consume too much sugar, and any other person would probably have serious Diabetes if their blood was as sweet as mine, I think... So, even if the test went fine, I stopped the sugar a bit... and now I'm feeling kind of weak, I think I need more sugar...

Ah, what do I mean by 'lots of sugar'? This is what I'm used to eat (of sweets) each day:

Chocolate sauce
(1 cup sugar, 1/4 cup cocoa, 1/4 cup butter, 1/4 cup water or milk)

Wafer cookies, chocolate flavoured

Some candy... and sometimes bis and other stuff.

So yeah, I do eat LOTS of sugar... but even so, I'm thin and healthy... weird...

bye~

☆ハナです。☆

It hurts...
I feel bad...

Everytime I talk to her,
Everytime, 'she' looks angry.

'She' says it's all an act of mine,
But I can live without Mina.

I just can't,
Since the day it started.

I didn't make her,
I didn't fake her.

Even so, 'she' says
"Stop acting!" and "You shouldn't fake."

Can't she just understand?
It's isn't that.

And they say mothers always know their children.
Well, not in my case.

I can't stand it,
It hurts too much.

Not for the fact that 'she' doesn't know me, not at all.
I really couldn't care for that...
But if she says that Mina is a fake, that hurts.

It's the only one who will be with me forever,
The only one who won't leave me,
The only one with whom I can always count.

The only one, Mina.
Without you, there's no me.

☆おやすみ。☆

☆ハナです。☆

I'm sick... that's a fact.
I still don't know what I have,
But I'm tired all the time,
I lost my apetite,
My head hurts a lot,
I have a fever.

☆おやすみ。☆