☆ハナ☆

☆ハナです。☆

Ok, I admit... yesterday I felt like shit, totally beaten down. I don't know, I don't even know what part of my thoughts made me cry at a first mention of Chinese Democracy or of listening to it... Things are so messy in my head, I don't even want to go to that matter now.

Anyway, I was broken down and after I went offline I had to cry myself to sleep again, which is really bad considering my moodswings tend to be kind of violent. It also didn't help that I almost lost the bus and that Manu stayed saying shit, I consider her my friend, but she really crosses the line on what to say at times. That's one of the few I should not consider my friend, or else it just hits me badly. If it's not, then I'm fine... but if I didn't have better self control, I'd probably have or hurt her or cried again.

And it ALSO didn't help that Andre kept provoking Aoi and then said lots of stuff and then they argued, Aoi got in a dark mood and even refused to eat... *sigh* Koinu managed to stay close to him through that, but even Manu and Marcos kept back. I just tried to cheer him up without being annoying.

Then my chem teacher, Jashin, how I wanted to kill him. Not that it isn't a mutual respect-hate feeling we have, as much as we can talk and be civil we're not the best of friends that a student and a teacher could be. Also, I'm never again taking my guitar to school on a day when I have chem class.

Aoi continued in his almost-corner (the corner is Heitor's, Aoi sits a seat from it) until after "breakfast" period, even refusing the food I bough for him. Well, Marcos took it, since I wasn't going to eat it. I had some for myself, too...

But it seems like in the before-last period, when we had to watch a movie 'bout volcanos, he calmed down. Not the normal Aoi, but he was calmer.

Then we didn't have last period 'cause our teacher didn't show up, so I went to Aoi's house (he lives almost beside the school) and made us some early lunch (it was still 10:30am), which he thankfully agreed to eat. I guess he managed to calm down more and get back to normal, because he even complained I wasn't eating enough XDD

I actually don't like to eat as much as normal when I'm at other people's houses, even though I feel at home most of the time when I'm there. But he was right, I had what, half a plate? XDD So I did manage to get some more food, and he quit complaining.

We watched DBZ before I had to go and get the bus to come back home, I guess I was feeling better by then again... that reminds me of a time when I was with Lally and for some reason we were angry, but then it just seemed to calm down. It was as if for a first moment I was a stranger in Aoi's house again, but then we were like siblings some minutes later.

Well, I'm glad he wasn't angry at me, or else I'd be much worse. I have this thing, it doesn't matter who it is, but if someone I consider close is angry at me I get extra-emotional, even more than usual... yeah.

Then I came home talking to Samu and Felipe, as usual, Felipe and I arguing about not having what to argue over XD

I came home and then bad news again, damn it, my guitar teacher was taken to the hospital for some problem with his blood ways... I hope he's okay, now...

In other words, I was at home risking breaking down because of boredom when I decided to make the cookies for the boys. Damn, it's been months! My special recipes, my books, my bowels, my chocolate cookies... It's just heaven to do that again, if I weren't in music I'd definitely choose something to do with cooking.

Also, it made me feel more useful. Thinking of how Koinu would be unusually hyper about it, and open the first package just to have it stolen by Aoi, they run around the school chasing each other for the cookies while the others get into some of the other packages and we just keep laughing and in the end everyone is just happy...

I love seeing that, be it for real or in my mind, it always makes me smile. That, at least that way, I can help them be happy and laugh... and I won't lie, the cookies are good. XD I just never thought someone would get addicted to them... Now I even have a fan club for my cookies, made by LeH...

*chuckles* I have some of the dowel already done, I'm going to make more because just one won't do for those two... plus Marcos and the others if they eat... yeah~

This is going to be funny~

Anyway, tomorrow some people are coming to install some thing on the internet so we can use it on both computers, so I'll be offline even if I don't have school. I have to clean my room tonight, too, which... erm... uh... *looks around* XDDD Yeah. Lots of stuff to pick up...

That means mom hopefully won't have to steal my computer to go on the internet! Yeah, it's awesome.

Not only the cookies, I prepared a special kind of chicken only I know how to make because I mix up a hell of a lot of things XD I bet many chefs wouldn't mix up that much...

Well, yeah~ let me see, then I slept while the chicken was baking, and strange enough I woke up just at the right time for it to be perfectly baked XDDDDD

Other than that, I need ideas and inspiration to write~ and I'm so tempted to read a few mangás over and over, even though they can be kind of long... and I should have saved Death Note on my comp ^^;;

And now I'm listening to songs leaded by Izzy, like 14years, BOX (one of his solo songs), and at the moment Dust N' Bones. I love Axl's vocals, but something about Izzy makes me love him, too~ He's so cute and quiet, but at the same time dangerous (like, he was in original Guns, duh) and a genius... really, he was the main songwriter for Guns and he still has all that inspiration.

And I was thinking about something Aoi, Ale, Koinu, Nikki Sixx and some other guy said... XDD About women being troublesome... then there's that part of Dust N' Bones:

"Sometimes these women are so easy
Sometimes these women are so cold
Sometimes these women seem to rip you right in two
Only if you let them get to you"

And it just all fit, because I heard everything at the same time... XDDD Life is weird at times, really~

Then I was thinking again about moving to SP. My conclusion? Not yet, I can't leave the boys alone... and how would they survive without cookies? XD I really can't leave this just yet, not to mention my grades aren't good enough at the moment for me to change schools. Mine just started accepting me, and this year it marks nine years I study at the same school, so yeah... I want to try finishing it all here.

Also, I don't know if I could survive in SP... Even Miami is easier to live in, really XDD

I should put some cookies to bake soon, and then koi should be back soon, too... I just have to make sure not to burn the cookies or make too many of them, or else I'll end up eating them all... xD

I was thinking of buying bass picks and doing something for Kanon's birthday, but I don't know if I'll have the money... I need some guitar picks myself. But I'm going to try doing something with drumsticks for Teruki's birthday, I really hope I can do it~

Dad is in Paraná, which means I'm only going to get my SLASH book around a month from now... at least I'll get it, I hope... or else I'd murder him, really. XD Okay, not really, but at least let him hear a bit of bitching. I hope my Appetite For Destructions gets here soon, too...

Other than that, I'm kind of sleepy, but I have lots of stuff to do... *yawns* My room is honestly a mess. A real, real mess. Like, I don't think Pitty's early band days, or GnR living together in the beggining, or something like that, would be half this messy. XD And that's saying a lot.

Now I still have to find out if Koinu's really sleeping enough, I don't think he is... Sometimes I wonder why I keep taking care of them, I feel like if I were an elder sister even being the younger... xD (Koinu is 15, Aoi is 18 and Marcos 17, so yeah, I'm the younger).

I guess that's it for now... I still gotta take my picture, I'll post it soon~

☆おやすみ。☆