☆ハナ☆

☆ハナです。☆

And here I find myself listening to Iron Maiden once more, thinking about nothing in particular, ignoring the cold that bites and tears as I follow the sound of the guitar. My own has been resting on my bed, lonely, not being played due to the stinging air, which makes skin rip and blood run when fingertips press down on the strings.

I miss that feeling, anxious urges take over me as I think of this, so once again I'm letting my mind wonder through unseen lands that are in my imagination, or perhaps it's some unseen, different kind of paradise, since there is more to this world than our small lives. Rarely it is that one can make a difference, pull someone out from their problems, help or even just be enough to inspire, thus making us mere humans living a simple, boring and repetitive life.

Ah, but that can be broken with the thoughts, with the imagination, our own worlds and our realities clash against each others, forming a mass of difference. Music, music that's for entertainment, saving, sending a message, protesting, doing something for yourself or for this world that is viewed in so many different ways, that is now being used against the will of it's makers to torture, to kill, to make them, prisoners, want to be killed.

I don't understand why they have kept quiet until now, but finally there is a protest against that. Any music when replayed too many times, even worse if against one's will, can become torturin, agonizing, like a drop of water falling onto your forehead repeatedly for days. The artists didn't intend that as it's end, the government doesn't have that right, and yet it does that, makes them artists look bad in many eyes as if they had permitted such actions.

Then there are so many things, so many conflicts, in the end it turns to music. One way or another, music is present. Be it used in torture for prisoners, or in laughing moments, to cheer up friends or even yourself; be it speaking of war and of the tragedy and bloodshed, or of peace and love with soft and touching words; be it Iron Maiden's The Longest Day, speaking of the Operation Overlord, D-Day, June 6th of 1944 when the Allies invaded Europe and took over the war by pushing the Germans back into their own corners, or The Beatles' Yellow Submarine, with Ringo Starr's vocals singing about adventures and sending the message onto children; be it against repetition, for repetition, be it Ludwig van Beethoven, Metallica, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Judas Priest, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, Antic Cafe, t.A.t.U., the GazettE, Mötley Crüe, YUI, X-JAPAN, Black Sabbath, Guns N' Roses, MUCC, DIO, Aerosmith, Slipknot, Stone Sour, Apocalyptica, GACKT, AC/DC, Meredith Andrews, Alice Cooper, The Rolling Stones, Drowning Pool, Sixx:AM, Velvet Revolver, Loaded, Izzy Stradlin' and the Ju Ju Hounds, Papa Roach, Peter, Paul & Mary, Lady Gaga, ALice Di Micele, Michael Jackson, Elvis Aaron Presley, Ludacris, Weird Al Yankovic, The Runaways, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Sex Pistols, Deep Purple, Whitesnake, Twisted Sister, Trapt, BLESSTHEFALL, Sebastian Bach, Skid Row, Kaya, Versailles, Pitty, Raul Seixas, Spiral Dance, Connie Talbot, Alice In Chains, Courtney Love, Nirvana, 30 Seconds To Mars, Zeromancer, Miyavi, Fafá De Belém, Fagner, Fergie, Black Eyed Peas, DeathEdge, Anthrax, Marilyn Manson, Led Zeppelin, KISS, Britney Spears, alan, alice nine., All American Rejects, Bowling For Soup, Anson Hu, AnyBand, Jackie Chan, BoA, ARASHI, Aqua, Big Bang, DBSK, Blood Hound Gang, Aya, Basshunter, DK3, Ashley Tisdale, Avril Lavigne, Boko Susuki, Ashlee Simpson, Evanescense, Marilyn Monroe, Charles Manson, ELT, Elton John, Jimi Hendrix, Do As Infinity, Cascada, The Cheetah Girls, Frou Frou, Daft Punk, Green Day, Good Charlotte, HALCALI, Ikimonogakari, Home Made Kazoku, Jesse McCartney, Anne Hathaway, Juliette, Jewel, Backstreet Boys, Katy Perry, Prince, Justin Timberlake, KoRn, Linkin Park, L'Arc~En~Ciel, Marc Seales, The Medic Droid, Matchy With Question?, My Chemical Romance, Rascal Flatts, P!nk, Pink Floyd, Sakakibara Yui, Shakira, Skillet, System Of A Down, Survivor, testsu, Velvet Underground, ViViD, Three Days Grace, Within Temptation, Zyon, 2PM/2AM, Voltaire, Toni Garrido, Roupa Nova, 14 Bis, Capital Inicial, Zé Ramalho, Tim Maia, Geraldo Azevedo, Jair Rodrigues, Jair Oliveira, Simoninha, Almir Sater, Sérgio Reis, Scorpions, Milton Nascimento, Ivete Sangalo, Eva, Sandy & Junior, Sideral, Marina Lima, Maria Gadú, Leila Pinheiro, Engenheiros do Hawaii, Cazuza, Gilberto Gil, Luis Caldas, Zizi Possi, George Harrison, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, John Lennon, Slash, Adler's Appetite, Hollywood Rose, LA Guns, Bob Dylan, Leon Russel, Carl Radle, Pete Ham, Don Preston, Eric Clapton, Jim Horn, Klaus Voormann, Tom Evans, Joey Molland, Mike Gibbons, Les Paul, Chuck Findley, Marlin Green, Jeanie Greene, Dolores Hall, Zyon, or any other, it has it's mark and choices and voice.

So if the band or artist doesn't permit, even more considering something so fragile and polemic at the same time, something as cruel as to use even the lightest John Lennon or the hardest KISS songs for torture, it just doesn't do good. Sure, use it if you have permission, but the government has absolutely no right to use those songs against their maker's will, even more considering such issue.

Ah, Twisted Sister, that brings my thoughts into another level now that I'm so far with this entry but have barely written anything aside from one protest already being held and names, that level of rebelion and freedom wishes everyone should have, of being able to storm and speak up when there's something stopping you from doing so.

And then Led Zeppelin, I don't see why people tend to compare artists, even more of this level. I've seen people comparing Led Zepp and Lady Gaga, and as much as I respect and do listen to both, I've got to agree that comparison won't do good. Even more considering there's the difference of learning how to ride a bike, or inventing the wheel, but I shall not get into those matters.

Peter, Paul and Mary, that makes memories of old times resurface, even if in numbers it may not seem that long, my mind makes it seem like those joyful childhood days were ages past, my now somewhat more mature and exploring, more scarred and experienced self, not as innocent, has changed so much from that child... Hearing stories of Mama Cano told by granny, having fun, running around and singing, listening to Puff, The Magic Dragon and watching cartoons. Days at the beach, good grades and easy ways at school, friends, not knowing the darker side of life... singing to The Beatles' songs and falling asleep with soft, baby ballads in my ears.

Ah, how that was taken away so quickly. My young days seem to have slipped away when I wasn't yet prepared for that, still a small child in body and being sent to war, that unnarmed soldier in enemy territory, crying himself to sleep and swearing to hate and kill, the monsters that once were under the bed images now are all too real, haunting, searching, tearing, pulling...

Those death-filled, bloodsoaked nightmares, the worse experiences, a fall, a high, blades, darkness... so much has passed and in the end, I'm still a child that didn't have time to live yet. Too fast, too fast to live as anyone else, doomed to die young, wanting to leave a mark to change, hoping for the past to fade, dreaming of a lighter day and a yellow submarine where the friends are all aboard, and sailing the sea...

Ah, now I hear Ringo Starr singing again, I've never gotten over these... So many childish thoughts in my mind collide with adult ones, then teenage ones, and I'm only this young. It's been eight years, aye, since I started living a nightmare. And still I see this much light, I'm so innocent and yet so stained, how can such thing come to be?

Beatles, Beatles, I feel myself being swept away by a slightly warm wind of memories filled with pain and joy both, cold and hot colliding and forming that eternity that ended so quickly, impossibly possible as such. A beautiful friendship, so broken, shattered and stepped on, then slowly replaced. A shoot, just one, was enough to end all that, all hope of comeback. I feel the distinct urge to laugh and cry at the same time, that small smile tugging up the corners of my lips just slightly as I feel this familiar wetness in my eyes.

And my mind always sticking to it's shifting waves of countless thoughts, I'm led to the fanbase of metal and rock, known as the most loyal in the world. Indeed, and when one likes it, loves it with a passion but oh, when they don't, they hate it with just as much passion. Dear, many bands have seen that, so much has been done and changed, the fanbase is radical as the bands and when they change, not all change. You know, extremes of fanbase, that's probably the best and worst thing about it, and yet it's the most loyal I've seen.

But time goes on, that's the way... we live and hope to see the next day. And that's all right. Because no matter what, it's always going to change, it doesn't matter how hard you may hold onto it, clinging to that image or memory, to that moment, to something or someone, it will change one day. To good or bad, ah, that's not a known thing until you experience it. Who knows, then?

Life IS, after all, a bed of roses. And as you may know, every rose has it's thorns... some just have more than others, some have big thorns and others little, and some flowers may just fade away before blooming. I could think of so much more to put down, so much more to say while I'm here, but I don't know... My mind works it's own way through the countless, never-ending pages of the book of life, I just flow along with what comes to me.

I've faced and heard of so many realities, each person has their own in the end, and yet mine is... full of escapes, full of dark routes, full of new doors opening every day. I don't know how it works or goes, how those rivers run and where they hit against the hard stone, where they flow down graceful, dangerous waterfalls like roaring beasts, that still have a gentle touch under the pouring strength of that current, into a lake or a continuation of it's course...

Ah, those green seas that end up in beaches, those deep cuts on it's bed, some which are known, some unexplored, holding hidden treasures, beasts, monsters of which you heard while seeing those dinossaur books when you were little, every kind of thing you can imagine. Imagination does it, man will never set foot on the end of this, no matter how much they want to. There shall always be a dakr corner, an unexplored place, a new hole and a new mountain, pouring fire or covered in ice.

There shall also be forever a biting, tearing, burning cold time that makes even the strongest of currents or the saddest of tears turn iced, and that sweating, torturous, roasting heat that burns through the skin and makes it pour out it's liquids until none are left and the body lays there, rotting until turning into nothing but a powdered remain.

The rains will pour, be it over lovers holding hands, or warm in each other's embrace, or over that homeless person or runaway child, shivering cold and having nowhere to run to.

That would usually inspire me to draw, ah, how I wish I could practise more and more, but my time is short and my day is not close to ending.

But unfortunately, this is the end of this entry.

☆おやすみ。☆